


Loving You Was Sunshine, Safe and Sound (a steady place to let down my defenses)

by bm_binger



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Relationship Study, Soft Supercorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 21:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18157004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bm_binger/pseuds/bm_binger
Summary: It was in the quiet moments, little glimpses, rare caresses, hidden softness, that Kara learns how it is to be loved by Lena Luthor, how to be needed by Lena Luthor– and the woman beneath the many layers of corporate coldness.





	Loving You Was Sunshine, Safe and Sound (a steady place to let down my defenses)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Camila Cabello's song: Consequences (if u haven't heard it yet, I suggest you listen to it asap because that song is heartbreakingly good and Camila's such a lyrical genius!)

Kara has taken to comparing her girlfriend to a cat.

Touch-starved but never would say anything about needing a nice hug.

Silent and elegant and loves to curl against her side, especially when they're turning in for the night.

Affectionate in the littlest of ways. Ways you'll never imagine Lena Luthor is.

Endearing in a way many would balk at– out of disbelief for someone that appears so confident and intimidating, someone as powerful as Lena.

It was in the quiet moments, little glimpses, rare caresses, hidden softness, that Kara learns how it is to be loved by Lena Luthor, how to be needed by Lena Luthor– and the woman beneath the many layers of corporate coldness.

 

1.–

A long day at the office comes with slumped shoulders and weary sighs once the safety and comfort of their shared apartment comes to sight.

It is with a nice dinner and a bottle of expensive wine that Kara greets her with– often coming home before Lena, often already at the door tugging the heavy bag full of important papers out of Lena's grip, often has a ready meal for the both of them, but always there to greet her with a chaste kiss, and always there to gather the exhausted and stressed woman in her arms.

It is profoundly disbelieving sometimes how Kara remembers how young Lena really is and how small she is compared to the problems she is forced to face.

So Kara makes it her goal to pamper Lena as best as she could, especially during nights like this. When meetings ran long and misogynistic white men continues to breathe down her neck like wolves. Kara will see to it that the tightness in Lena's shoulder and the heaviness of her gaze will lighten its load.

And sometimes, most times, always, really– she'll hug her extra hard, caress her more gently, gather the loose pieces firmly, and breathe in her scent while Lena tucks her head in her neck– heels gone, height a glaring disparity, and stand on her tiptoes to savor the arms wrapped around her.

It is in this position– act– ritual– that Kara gives Lena strength. Her love language and the thing that keeps Lena tethered amongst other things.

Because the firmness of her hold and the safeness of her presence? It's those things that makes Lena fall in love more.

And Kara a little too far gone.

 

2.–

Their first time didn't happen until after a few months of dating. It wasn't about either of them being inexperienced or uncertainty of the other's commitment– it was simply because they didn't have the time. What with Lena's crazy schedule and Kara's newly appointed job as CatCo's head investigative writer.

The lack of sex during those few months wasn't a deal breaker for either of them but something that made them learn more about each other outside the realm of physicalities. Something that forged a deeper bond spent talking after hours and innocent cuddling during slumber.

But when it did happen– it wasn't even the act that solidified Kara's feelings nor the medium that made her fall in love deeper.

It was the after– when the highs and passion of their amorous copulation hang in the air, with the light of the morning sun penetrating through the visible slats of Kara's blinds, with the rays catching on Lena's green eyes and making them play in iridescence, with both of their lips pulled into a gentle but sleepy smile, with Kara's fingers tracing softly against Lena's cheek, with their hands loosely tangled and legs almost merging as one, with the sheets rampled and Lena's usually immaculate hair a mess, with the morning sun bathing Lena in an ethereal light, with their eyes full of love and Kara's shiny blues in awe, with the purple and blue constellation mapping Lena's upper torso, with that expensive perfume mixing in the air, with sapphire and emerald holding a stare– it was this that made Kara fall in love deeper– and her favourite moment of all.

And with soft caresses and quiet “hi's” from them both, they learn that mornings is best started beside each other.

 

3.–

Kara loves Lena in every way imaginable.

She loves her in her worst.

She loves her in her best.

She loves her in her saddest.

She loves her in her happiest.

But what she realises is, Kara loves Lena more in her silence.

Those quiet moments that make up to crescendo their loudest.

Those in-between, the moments that build up a memory and paints a person in your mind.

Those that seem nothing and miniscule in the grand scale of things but hold the heaviest weight on a memory of someone.

It is in the break from their busy lives, the quiet stillness of their shared space, the domesticity of being together, the lightness of each other's presence– this kind of moments that makes Kara appreciate their lives together.

With Lena sitting cross-legged on the floor, her work for the weekend perched on the coffee table and Kara silently browsing through their Netflix queue.

With Lena stretching languidly after a while, standing up from her position and sliding on Kara's lap like a cat seeking warmth.

With Lena abandoning her work in favor of draping across Kara's form, their cheeks touching and briefly caressing.

With Lena and her arms around Kara's neck, quietly humming and reveling in Kara's presence.

With Lena pulling back and placing a chaste kiss on Kara's lips, something which never fails to bring a swarm of butterflies in Kara's chest and stomach.

With Lena gently pulling back, diving for another, withdrawing after a peck, and fluttering her eyes to open.

With Lena staring at her with those green eyes full of love and softness and something deeper that no one hasn't come up with a name for.

With Lena quietly saying, “I love you.” and Kara whispering it back in reverence.

With Lena tucking her head in Kara's should and expelling a quiet sigh of contentment.

It was in these quiet moments that Kara falls in love more.

And something deeper no one has yet named before.

 

4.–

They fight.

Of course they do. Every couple does. It is one of the needed foundations in a healthy relationship.

It's with raised voices, heated arguments, and pride glaring at each other–

But their conflict is few and far between and never not resolved before bed.

Neither comfortable with being upset at each other and both unwilling and incapable of sleeping knowing they're not okay.

It's a healthy and mature way of dealing with their issues.

And Kara is grateful for that.

Though one particular fight escalated to something unprecedented in their relationship.

It started with raised voices, cold glares, and heated arguments– both unwilling to back down, both veering from the point of the argument, both fueled by the stress of their work and the hectic schedules they're put under, both turning yearning for the ease of their work commitments and each other's time into explosive anger, both hurling venom across each other.

It was the worst one yet and it only turned horrendous after a few choice words and an action fueled by pent up frustration and years of unresolved anger over the issue.

Kara, fueled by frustration, the glaring defeat looming in the horizen, and not even cognitive of her actions, hurled the glass she was drinking from her earlier vain attempt to calm down to a wall several feet away from where Lena is.

The sound of glass smashing against concrete was what made her blink into awareness and the sudden absence of the weight of the glass in her hands.

Like a fog being lifted, both of their ire was replaced by– Lena, fear; Kara, guilt.

“Oh my god– Lena, I'm so– I'm so sorry. I didn't mean– I'm so sorry– I'm so sorry.” Kara said wide-eyed and riddled with guilt, regret, shame, and fear of herself. Her hands has taken to hovering inches from her mouth, shaking and unsteady while her eyes alternated between looking at the broken shards horrifyingly and at Lena–

Lena– who continues to stare blankly at the broken glass. You would've think her unaffected by the unprecedented outburst if not for the violent way her hands shook.

Kara tentatively reached out a hand, hoping to convey how sorry she is and how much she hates herself right now and to soothe, “Lena–”

At the approaching limb, Lena snapped away from her trance and jumped back, putting a considerable amount of distance between her and Kara. Her now clenched hands continue to shake violently and the icy greens staring her down earlier are now a swirling emerald of trepidation and unbidden tears.

Kara has never hated herself than she does at the sight of those eyes. She let her hand fall and her posture to limp. The guilt, shame, and hatred for herself didn't hold a candle against the pain brewing in her heart at what she just did– at what she just caused to Lena.

“Lena, I–”

Lena cut her off with a weak shake of her head, her mouth opening and closing– trying to say something and calm her racing heart.

“I– It's– it's fine.”

And Kara's heart tear itself into two. Because here is Lena, hurt, terrified, and probably hit with memories of her traumatic childhood– ready to forgive at the drop of a hat. And it hurts because Kara doesn't deserve her– she doesn't deserve Lena's heart. But she's too selfish to let go of it– but not selfish enough to have the audacity to think what she did was okay and to accept the forgiveness Lena's offering.

“No– No it's not. It's not okay. I should've calmed down. You only want what's best for me. I'm so sorry I let my frustrations and anger go explosively– Lena, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You deserve better–” Her tears fell in time with Lena's while the green-eyed woman's shoulder shook with a sob. She shook her head to cut Kara off.

“I– I– I'm–” another painful sob stabbed Kara.

“Lena–”

“Please, just hold me.”

Green eyes filled with tears stared imploringly, delicate cheeks track down a tear, pink lips quivered in sadness, heart break painted a beautiful countenance – at the face of such distress, any hesitance to reach out was foiled and Kara was there in two strides, gathering the sobbing woman in her arms, whispers of apology enveloped the space, and strong arms delicately held the most important and fragile gift Kara's ever received.

An hour passed and their tears ebbed away. Both now laying in their bed and the half hour spent talking calmly to resolve their discord. Lena's head stayed tucked under Kara's chin while soothing circles were drawing artworks on her spine.

Another apology was whispered in the dark of the night while the need to punish herself never lost its presence– the memory of Lena's fear filled eyes a knife continually stabbing her chest and the sight of her shaking form a rock beating against her bleeding heart.

Lena untucked her head and propped herself on an elbow, staring Kara in the eye and conveying a message that Kara thinks she doesn't deserve.

“I love you.”

 

5.–

The weeks following their worst fight yet were stilted and almost awkward. With Kara walking on eggshells around Lena and her touch hesitant– afraid to offend, afraid to hurt, afraid to commit mistake, afraid afraid afraid– afraid she'll shatter the foundation of their relationship, afraid Lena will finally see the light and Kara's recent indiscretion and leave her– but most of all, afraid she'll do it again.

Lena's having none of it.

A stern talking was given, apologies were once again uttered, and feelings were soothed. It was an unprecedented mistake that will never happen again. Kara will make sure of that.

Promises to compromise were spoken, vows to see another's perspective were uttered, and sworn to each other was to try to understand and never let frustrations bottled up.

One mistake doesn't negate the entirety of their relationship. One mistake doesn't make them forget the happy moments of in-between. One mistake doesn't define them.

And one mistake is a variable to their learning process.

They learned not to go with the flow of anger. They learned to see something from each other's perspective. They learned that bottling up feelings in favor of shielding your girlfriend from your personal issues isn't right.

But most of all, they learned the true meaning of being partners, and the rules that went with it. They learned how to let the other carry another's baggage.

Kara has Lena and Lena has Kara through it all.

They may fight, they may not agree on a compromise, they may raise voices at each other, they may spit words to hurt out of spite, but at the end– these things are one of the materials that will strengthen their relationship.

Because being there for each other is a continuous lesson and navigating the waters is a learning process. Their ups and downs are the things that will make them formidable.

And their love sailing stronger.

 

6.–

Lena never fails to surprise Kara.

She learns something new about her girlfriend every day.

Little mannerisms that many will look over– but not Kara.

She's taken to observing Lena in her moments.

The way she likes playing with her pen when stuck in a meeting or anxious about something– her hands being a substitute.

The way she doodles little clovers– which she still doesn't know the rationale for– on the planner Kara gave her.

The way she scribble things on her palm– like an important meeting, a time she needs to be down at the R&D labs, notes she needs to look up for once she has access to the internet or any medium of research– to avoid forgetting something.

The way smiles with her eyes.

The way she subtly tilts her head when confused or thoughtful.

The way she likes biting Kara's lower lip when kissing.

The way she makes sure none of the food in her plate touches.

The way her cadence lilts just a little, hinting at an accent.

But the sweetest thing she has learned of Lena is–

The way she doesn't miss a single second of every day reminding Kara she loves her.

Not verbally– no. But through her actions.

The little texts to check up on Kara with smiley faces at the end– something Lena would be caught dead sending to anyone other than her girlfriend.

The ever intermittent changing of endearments between– darling, honey, love– with affection coloring her tone.

The smile– smile solely and reserved only for Kara.

The hand that never strays too far from Kara's own– always intertwined or grazing against her's.

The little notes of appreciation Kara finds when Lena orders delivery for Kara's lunch when she can't go to CatCo.

The way she stares at Kara with soft eyes and gentle smiles.

Lena doesn't utter the phrases of love as often but her actions never fails to convey the language of her heart.

And for Kara, that's more than enough– more than she can ever ask for.

With Lena's hand intertwined in her own, her knuckles being peppered with kisses by the woman, Lena comfortably draped over Kara's form– a regular position for her, really– and green eyes soft and full of love under the dim lights of their bedroom.

Kara's never been more in love.

“I love you.”

A crinkly eyed smile was formed, a kiss was her reward, and a soft chuckle was her present.

Their foreheads meet in the middle, their breaths mingled with another's, and one more kiss was placed on her own.

Emerald met sapphire and the feelings engraved was met with equal intensity.

“I love you too.”

 

7.–

Kara has seen Lena in different ensembles of expensive clothes.

From power suits to fancy dresses.

And each time never fails to take her breath away.

But she loves it most  seeing Lena in her casual clothes.

With nothing but her worn and fading sweater engulfing her small form and her usually immaculate hair a mess of curls framing her features.

Kara loves Lena in her simplest.

With her padding across the kitchen to where Kara's cooking breakfast.

With her encircling her arms around Kara's waist.

With her nuzzling her back affectionately and sleepily– their height a glaring disparity.

With her mumbling sleepily about early mornings and coming back to bed– because against popular belief, Lena Luthor is not a morning person.

And she'll turn around after turning off the stove and placing whatever is for breakfast on a plate.

And she'll cup Lena's cheeks and peck pink lips.

And she'll ask Lena what she wants– affection and endeared at the sight of her girlfriend so adorable.

And she'll acquiesce at the answer of more sleep.

And she'll carry her to bed, while peppering kisses at the side of her head because she can.

In these moments, her heart grows warmer.

 

++

  
Kara loves Lena in every way imaginable.

She loves her in their best.

She loves her in their worst.

She loves her in their happiest.

She loves her in their saddest.

And she loves her because they're a “their”. A single unit. A team. Partners.

She loves Lena in all of their moments.

And she loves Lena because she's Lena.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can message me on tumblr (: im @bm-binger


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